This is the last week of my my fifth cycle - my drug holiday week - with no infusions of Vidaza and no Procinostat pills three days a week. This coming Tuesday I will have another bone marrow biopsy to see if the fifth cycle of chemo has made any difference.
Many have been asking how I'm feeling. I am feeling well; however finally this week I can tell my energy level is not at a level I am accustomed. I wake up feeling drained, and generally need a nap or the opportunity to at least kick up my feet. I still take my mile and a half walks around the neighborhood (several times a week), but if I go up the stairs too quickly, I feel my heart pounding. This is not typical for me. I am guessing that I am finally feeling more the effects of the disease as opposed to the chemo. My hair is thinning a bit which is likely the accumulative effects of the gentle chemo.
The past month has been difficult in the sense that there is so much uncertainty in which direction I will be heading in the next several weeks. The recommendations of my two doctors (leukemia and transplant) are in conflict with each other. The two "camps" appear to have very different philosophies on how to proceed. One being to continue the chemo that could bring my blast and cytogenetics better under control and the other favoring proceding with the transplant as quickly as possible to avoid the risk of the blasts suddenly rising or my getting an infection.
I have two brilliant and experienced doctors....among the best in the world! The majority of stem cell transplants in the entire world are done at MD Anderson and Dr. Champlin is the chair of the stem cell department. Dr. Garcia-Manero sees the majority of all the patients in the world with MDS. That is why I continue to feel so fortunate to be treated at MD Anderson and to live here in Houston!
Both doctors agree that my only hope is to have a successful Stem Cell Treatment; they both agree my chances are good due to my age and my health. Where the difference lies is in how they wish to proceed from here. We'll see what Thursday's appointment has in store!
Emotionally, I continue to be at peace and resolved that I am exactly where God wants me right now. Although the past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting, the encouraging thing is that each time I started getting consumed with these thoughts and felt myself falling downward emotionally, I heard or read something that reminded me that God loves me and He is in control, and all I need to do is quiet myself, trust that He loves me, and He will show me the way. It is phenomenal all the places I have found Him talking to me....my daily devotional books, the daily scripture readings for mass, a sermon, a friend's kind card or words etc. etc. Today we attended mass at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton church. A woman went up at the end of mass to make an announcement and to plug a new high school youth group forming there. She ended with a quote from St. Teresa of Avila....
"Let nothing trouble you,
Let nothing frighten you,
Everything passes,
God never changes,
Whoever has God
Wants for nothing,
God alone is enough. "
I went up to her after mass and asked her if she could tell me where she found that quote. I explained that I was going to be needing a stem cell transplant soon and that I found that quote comforting. She
quickly said "Oh, where are you going to have it?" When I replied "MD Anderson", She said "Oh wonderful, my daughter is a nurse on the stem cell transplant unit...look her up!" It was clear to me that, yet again, He was talking right to me. I think I'm going to take that quote with me to the hospital as I go through the transplant!
In the meantime I continue to do my research, trying to gather the facts and data, so that I can make the best decision possible based on the facts at hand and the expertise of my doctors.
